


Best Thing I Never Had

by dowoojae



Category: NCT
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, dojae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 21:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17753693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dowoojae/pseuds/dowoojae
Summary: His love for him is as enchanting as the music he once wrote; lyrics carefully drabbled, making sure everything was from the depths of his pure heart. His love for him is as immaculate as the white snows of their first winter together; fingers laced together, letting no one go. His love for him is as precious as the sea on dawn; the striking sight which caught him off guard, he felt the same looking at his fair complexion.His love for him, his well-kept secret of affection, his admiration he would never admit, he never expected him to felt the same way. He was sure this love is a song, a well-written one with perfect melody, and he just won’t sing along. He was left to hit the notes alone, as he watches him walk the aisle, holding another man’s hand, as they sync their walk to the rhythm of his song.





	Best Thing I Never Had

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic here. I hope y'all enjoy hehe.

Doyoung and I had been roommates since God decided that one time in college that I need a company living in a dormitory. We had a rough start just like everyone else, but we turned out to be the best, inseparable friends anyone could’ve ever seen. We’re basically glued to each other.  
Doyoung is the most awkward and innocent person I’ve ever met. I haven’t even realized why we’re friends considering my personality being a mile away from his. But despite our differences, I enjoy his company. He is fun to be with, and our room never felt sad since he came and became my roommate, it becomes better when we became best of friends.  
Doyoung and I took the same course of financial accountancy, considering I’m a critical thinker who finds bliss in analysing and solving problems and he being from a business-oriented family. There were nights when we study together, helping each other solve difficult problems until we’re left with no choice but to cry our frustrations out, patting each other’s back and praying together for a miracle for the upcoming examinations.

Doyoung…

 

College had come to an end and it’s when I realized real life begins. I was anxious at first, to take my first step in life without everyone I used to be with on my side anymore. My roommates were the only people I used to get along with, but being not in the same rooms anymore, I felt afraid of the chances I’ll be alone forever. Youngho already got a job from his father’s company. Taeil got the position from the accounting firm he applied at months before, Jungwoo being together with him. Sicheng came back to China, working for his relative as their personal accountant.  
Doyoung and I were the only one left unemployed, but it’s not like no one wants to hire us or anything. We had received a lot of calls recently to be honest, but we just never accepted any offer yet. Each call that I got was from different companies Doyoung got calls from, and Doyoung didn’t approve the thought of us working from different companies, much to my surprise.  
“Yoonoh,” Doyoung tried to prove his point as to why he rejected every call and I was left with no choice but to listen to him. “We may not be together since childhood, but it’ll be my pleasure if we grow old together.”  
It might be cheesy for the others’ ears, I don’t blame them I also laughed at it, but Doyoung’s word felt so warm and it made me feel good. It made my anxiety of being alone the least of my worries. With Doyoung by my side, I know “alone” is just another word out of my vocabulary.

It was a week after when a single company hired the both of us. Doyoung and I never bothered to have second thoughts and immediately accepted the offer since it’s the only company that actually wanted the both of us together, we’re even hired on the same department which just made things better. Doyoung was in pure bliss. “I thought we’re going unemployed the rest of our lives.”  
I smiled looking at his smiles plastered on his very face. I would give everything to see this view again. “We would not if we just accepted the previous offers, y’know?”  
Doyoung then glared at me, not approving the thought of what I just said. “Yoonoh!”  
I shrugged.  
“I told you. I rather live with you starving than to work on a grand company away from you,” his smiles beamed again. “I could never afford to think a life without my best buddy.”  
Doyoung clung his arms into mine, leaning his head against my shoulder, stifling a melodic giggle that I could listen to the whole day. He was happy this way, who am I to destroy his moment.  
We ended up walking the streets with Doyoung clinging on me, on our way to his favourite ice cream shop. Although he’s clueless, I know how exactly we look onto others’ point of view, but that doesn’t bother me. I might get used to it. Doyoung and I will be together for a pretty long time, I guarantee that. Not that I protest or anything, that’s good really.  
“Yoonoh,” he whispered softly, but loud enough for my ears to decode. I hummed as response, still walking and facing the roads. “Please help me.”  
His statement caught me off. I stopped my tracks and immediately gave him a concerned look. I asked him “With what?” with a little panic evident in my voice.  
Doyoung just giggled, staring right on my face (I know I pulled a lot of funny expression but this isn’t the time to make fun of me especially when you’re in need).  
“With life and stuff, y’know we’ll be together for a while and…” he paused, looking at his red Converse shoes given to him by Taeil. “… I really don’t know how to do anything- I mean, I haven’t- like…”  
I held him on his shoulders with one of my hands and used the other one to pat his back. “Doyoung you’re nervous. Breathe properly, would you?”  
Although he looked really hesitant at first, Doyoung complied anyways. He breathed in, and out, carefully and slowly, trying to put himself at ease.  
“I have a really bad sense of decision making you know. I guess, if life comes and like, make me choose between complex things, I hope you’re on my side so I can comfortably face the consequences, like… you know… Argh I’m really bad at explaining things,” his face shows defeat. He simply buried his face between his mitten covered hands, sighed a lot a smoke of air was nearly visible. It may seem like he’s bad at explaining, but for me, I understood everything he said crystal clear. I continued walking, dragging him a little so he could follow in motion.  
“If by bad decision making you mean choosing ice cream over barbeque during winter then I agree,” I respond to lighten up his mood. Doyoung’s face went up from his hands to me, gazing me with the most “deathly” glare he is ever known with. “But don’t worry, I understand you. Also, don’t worry, I’ll be by your side if any problem comes, we’ll face it together. Do you mean that way Doyoung-yah!?”  
“Exactly,” his glare slowly fades and another bright smile beamed from him. Ah! This smile is more precious than anything in this world. “You really mean it?”  
“Yup, I do.”  
“Pinky swear?”  
“Doyoung we can’t pinky swear. You’re wearing mittens,” I chuckled at the cuteness of the fluffball beside me. He threw a jab on my arms, a really painless one. But still, I acted as if the action hurt me. “But kidding aside, I promise I won’t leave your side.”  
Then the melody of his soulful giggles echoed through my ears, bringing a tingling sensation inside me. My heart pounded heavily, as if I have run a kilometre without rest. The smile, that tooth-y grin of him feasts my eyes; it’s a beautiful sight that I want to always see.  
“Thank you Yoonoh. I don’t feel the uncertainties anymore,” Doyoung uttered within his smiles, clinging back his self onto my right arm. Our errand to the ice cream shop continues as we simply walked together on the sidewalk. He was humming the tune of the favourite song of his, “Butterfly Girl”.  
My heart has never stopped beating so hard since it started, Doyoung’s hums didn’t help either. I only wear a few layers of clothing on the coldness of the day, but with him on my side, it’s enough to keep me warm. His company is enough to keep me going in this chilly streets.  
My smile didn’t leave my face the whole walk. I haven’t felt this way for a long time, and Doyoung made me this way. I want to be like this for a long time. I want to get used to this warmth he brings. I want to keep my promise of being beside him forever.

 

…but it won’t possibly happen.  
After all, I know by heart the reason why that ice cream shop was his favourite. It was Taeyong’s.

 

“Doyoung, relax!”  
“Yoonoh, I think I don’t want to do this.”

It was a fine, late afternoon. That was before Doyoung’s anxiety got the best of him. Right now, he’s wearing a velvet, blue turtlenecked sweatshirt paired with a coffee-colored skin-tight jeans. He’s wearing my Timberland although the cries of protests I threw at him a while ago. He was looking fine, like a five course meal, and that hair of him, styled to perfection, was definitely the final touch this perfect look ever needed.  
It was 5:30 pm already, thirty more minutes before the date he had been waiting for a while, thirty minutes before his first ever date at that fancy restaurant we just talked about, thirty more minutes before his most-awaited day, and here Doyoung was having a second thought.

“What if I don’t look good enough?” he asked, uncertainty evident in his tone.  
“Doyoung you looked gorgeous,” I simply replied. “I bet Taeyong will drool the moment he sees you because I would.”  
“You think so?” I wanted to boost his confidence, and it seemed to work with that taint of finessed assertiveness in his voice. I simply smiled and nod, guaranteeing him with assurance. He smiled back.  
“Just remember all the tips I taught you and you’ll finesse this first date. I’m sure this won’t be the last.”

With that, we were now just waiting for Doyoung’s Uber driver to come pick him up.  
It’s been three weeks since Taeyong and Doyoung made known their relationship to us. Our friends congratulated them and sent them all their warmest regards. Of course, I did too.  
I’d never seen Doyoung this happy, his smiles radiates brighter than the suns. I’d never seen him this happy with someone else. It hurt me a little that I’m not the reason anymore of those beautiful smiles. It hurt a little that he’d found another person who can put that beauty on his face. But as long as he’s happy, I don’t think I have the guts to break him out of that.

“Yoonoh,” from not so far, he called my name which broke me out of my reverie. I peeked from my shoulders to entertain whatever concern he had. “There’s one thing I still need to ask you.”  
“I thought I answered all the essentials you need for this first date?” Doyoung looked at me with uncertainty once again. It felt like he had something to spill, but trying his hard to resist. “Come on, tell me what’s troubling you.”  
“What if… what if Taeyong… what if he like,” stuttering Doyoung was not a rare occurrence, but this time was still concerning.  
“Don’t worry, I won’t judge you.”  
Doyoung bit his lips hard I thought it was gonna bleed. He looked away, looking on the floor before he uttered softly:  
“What if Taeyong tries to kiss me?”  
Doyoung’s face had never been this red. I can feel the embarrassment he’s feeling right now even if I was few feet away. I resisted the urge to laugh.  
“What if he like, do that? I won’t know what to do.”  
“Doyoung that’s not something you learn, y’know?”  
“But still, can you like, tell me what I should do?”  
I might be able to resist a laugh, but those pleading eyes are not something I’m resistant to. I heaved a sigh. I had never imagined I would actually teach such thing like this.  
“You know just try to make it passionate. Cup his cheeks because I think that’s lovely. Also look into the eyes because you know it’s like pretty then just close the gap.”  
“What?”  
“I mean,” looking at his confused face, I knew this would be worthless as he will never understand a thing or two. “This is difficult to tell you see.”  
“Then show me,” now was my turn to be confused. “Demonstrate it. I know I’ll learn better.”  
I paused for a moment, looking at him just as confused as I could ever be. Doyoung was just looking innocent, probably not ingesting still what he just said.  
“Okay, Doyoung what are you saying?”  
“I mean just show me how it’s done and I’ll just redo it if ever.”  
Doyoung moved to get closer to me and I’d never been uncomfortable. I’d had a lot of intimate moments with Doyoung but those were not as intimate as kissing. I swallowed, trying to ease the nervousness I was feeling before I asked “Are you sure?”  
He nodded.

 

“Thirty minutes before the ceremony starts. Get yourself ready Yoonoh!”  
Taeil followed suit after Youngho and Jungwoo left the room for the chapel. I was just staring at the mirror, frustrated and mad about the chaos that was my hair. I’d been styling it for the past hour but nothing comes close to how I wanted it to look. Maybe after all I don’t want to look good. Maybe after all I don’t want to be here. Maybe, just maybe.  
I’m the worst at coping with stress. So bad that all I could was to break down, cry, all because of a bad hair day. Maybe after all I do want to look good. Maybe after all I do want to be here. After all this was his most special day. After all, this was Doyoung’s wedding.

“Yoonoh?” a familiar voice echoed the room after the creaks of the doors faded. Doyoung’s reflection in the mirror was godly, heavenly, like the angel he is. “Why are you still here?”  
“Should be asking you that.”  
“I was surprised you’re not with Taeil so I had to check you out.”  
He walked closer to me, giving me a look I can just described as look of disgust.  
“I looked like a mess,” I said before he did. “Bad hair day.”  
“Here let me help you,” Doyoung combed my hair ever so delicately. Within just a few flicks of my pieces of hair here and there and a few sprays of the hair spray, he turned my hair into a perfect style. Always so amazing how Doyoung is good about making me look good, up until this time. “Here it’s perfect now.”  
“Thank you Doyoung,” I smiled to his reflection, an obvious fake one. It didn’t get pass Doyoung.  
“Yoonoh are you okay?”  
Maybe I am not.  
“Yes I am, don’t worry,” I stood up from my seat, turned around to look at his beautiful figure. Maybe I want to cry. “Let’s get back to the chapel Doyoung.”  
“Wait!” he grabbed my arm as I was about to walk away. I didn’t look back at him. Maybe it hurts to look at him now. “I want to tell you something.”  
He released his grip, but I didn’t walk away. Maybe I still want to hear what he’s about to say.  
“I don’t know if you think I can’t see through you, but I know there’s something bothering you. You know you can just tell me about it, but if you don’t want to, I guess I have no more choice but to let you be.”  
Maybe I am a fool.  
“Anyway, thank you for literally everything. You’re the only one I can look onto and for that I’m so thankful. I just hope after today nothing will change between us.”  
I just offered the best smile I could ever offer. He reciprocated with one just as sweet, before he walked away and left me behind.  
Maybe, just maybe, if I ever told you what I feel, you’d be mine.

 

“I now pronounce the both of you married.”  
The endless cheers was deafening. The applause was certainly hard to listen to. Both Doyoung and Taeyong were looking at each other with love evident in their eyes, smiling at each other like there was no tomorrow.  
“You may now seal your marriage with a kiss.”  
I watched as Doyoung cupped Taeyong’s cheek ever so lovingly. His thumbs caressed the skin under his eyes so delicately, eyes looking at each other with obvious sparks gleaming even far from away. They slowly closed the gap, eyes closing gradually, lips slowly touching. I feel proud of Doyoung. He had learned so much from me. I had taught him a lot. That kiss was exactly how I taught him, was exactly how we did it. Maybe I should congratulate him. But I think it’s too late now. After all, Doyoung was just the best thing I never had.


End file.
